The 5 Stages of Becoming a Man (The Lifecycle of a Man) | The Better Than Rich Show Ep. 26

From Boy to King

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From Boy to King 〰️

The 5 Stages of Becoming a Man (The Lifecycle of a Man)

The funny thing about growth - is it never actually STOPS. There is no endpoint.

Just new areas and opportunities for growth. This week, we explore a fun different area of development - becoming a man.

Did you know there’s 9 phases EVERY man goes through to become the best version of themselves?

We dive deep on each stage in this episode, what life looks like, and how to evolve to the next stage - ultimately to Lordship over your mighty kingdom (aka life haha).

And, we each share a LOT on what our deepest stage - called the Tunnel Stage, looked like.

Excited to share, see you in the episode, & watch you grow!

Unknown Speaker 0:00
Think about the story of Jonah in the whale, where he tries to run away from his destiny. But then life takes him down right in the form of a whale, you know where he spends three days in the belly of the whale. Okay, now, did Jonah really spend three days in the belly of a whale? I'll let you all determined that in the comments section and you guys can get into a heated Facebook like discussion about whether or not that's accurate. No matter what metaphorically. What is that? That's the tunnel, right
Unknown Speaker 0:43
welcome to the better than rich show with your hosts Andrew Biggs and Mike Abramowitz. The better than rich show helps ambitious leaders who are on a mission to leave the world better than they found it changed their perspective and what's important, increase their income and impact and systemize their life and business. If you've ever struggled with finding your purpose have felt disconnected or distracted or found yourself going through the motions. This show will remind you that what you do matters and will re inspire you to chase your highest dreams. It's time for you to become better than rich.
Unknown Speaker 1:18
Hello, everyone and welcome back to the better than rich Show. I'm your host Andrew Biggs and I'm here with my co host, Mike Abramowitz. Mike, how are you today?
Unknown Speaker 1:26
Things are going great. I'm really excited for this topic, we have a two part series. This is part one of the two parts. And this is something that you taught me at my first immersion event back in San Francisco and it is transformed just the way that I've thought about the evolution and the development of me as a man and also to relate with, with women. So super excited to dig into the lifecycle of a man lifecycle of a woman. Today's episode, specifically lifecycle of a man. I want to kick it right to you, though, because you're the one who taught me this. Why is it important, today's episode lifecycle demand for people to understand this, this paradigm of what it means to like kind of go through the different stages of development as a man? Yeah, absolutely. And if you've never learned the lifecycle of a man, today, we're gonna do a big overview, a lot of this is comes from the work that Allison Armstrong has done, if you want to check out her work hours, she talks a lot about passive energy, the life cycle of men, the life cycle of women, how it's different, how it's the same. And you know, when I learned this, it really was a paradigm shift for me. And one of the reasons we also want to bring it to you in podcast form is that every single time that I teach this, there is a very, very big reaction from the crowd. Everybody loves this, a lot of times we send out surveys following an event or something like that. And we say, hey, what were your favorite talks, you know, go out and rank these. And very, very frequently, this one's near the top of people's lists. And the reason is that modern culture does a very poor job of helping us understand where we fall into the trap. It does a very poor job of helping us understand rites of passage. And when we've moved and transitioned from one identity that served us in the past, to a new one that we're now taking on. And so this is a really, really important lesson, again, particularly for men,
Unknown Speaker 3:25
especially today. Next week, we'll do lifecycle of a woman. But when you understand where you're at, in your developmental journey, as a man, you can start to understand what do I need to do to really glean the lessons from this particular stage that I'm in and move on to the next one of maturity. And ultimately, this is like the journey of fulfillment. If you want to be a man who's going to be fulfilled in this world, you should probably be progressing on this journey. If you're not progressing, and you're stuck at a particular stage, that's going to definitely hurt you. It's going to hurt you financially, it's going to hurt you in your fulfillment. It's in urgent relationships. And ultimately, you're just going to be very dissatisfied. If you are stuck in that stage for too long. So that's my answer. But what do you think? Well, I think it's a really going to be excellent content for our audience to hear. I think it's going to be unique, something new, something that you may have not heard ever before, that just like what it did for me when I learned it. It had, like you said, a paradigm shift. So and especially as the audience's listen, I think a lot of individuals are listening. Oh, make sense. When Andrew talks on it, you're gonna be you might be at night right now, all right a night slaying a bunch of dragons. That's where you are more than likely not not 100% but more than likely, and you're probably have slayed a bunch of dragons, and you're transitioning into the tunnel of saying, I feel like there's a bigger reason why I'm here. And when Andrew will kind of methodically take us through what that means.
Unknown Speaker 5:00
Ian's in context, you'll probably be able to say, yep, that should is so true, Mike. So I'm excited to go through this and have Andrew, walk us through what a night is what this tunnel is, you know, what is this all about? And obviously, you know, taking us through the different stages. So, Andrew, where does it start where it is? In the life cycle of a man, what's the first place? What's the first like, maybe what lead us up until a night? You know, because I feel like a lot of our listeners are in that knighthood transitioning into the title. So if you can lead us through birth until getting into that night hood and getting to the tunnel will have absolutely, absolutely, yeah, I mean, I mean, it's pretty obvious wherever every man starts when you start as boys, right? So if I look at, you know, my, my seven year old son, my five month old son, they're boys. And they're boys through and through, basically, you know, the way you want to kind of look at this first stage is kind of, you know, pre pubescent you know, sort of boy energy. And what what is life about when you're a boy and life's about having fun life is about meeting with your friends. It's about sleepovers. It's about sugar. It's about eating pizza. It's about playing video games. It's about, you know, trying sports, you know, getting out there a little bit learning a little bit about the world. You know, but it's mostly about having fun, right? It's mostly about just that, you know, that joyous energy that little boys have, you know, there's an Airbnb next door. So there's, there's people who come in and out and sometimes the owner uses it, sometimes he you know, Airbnb is it. And last night, you know, I got home and I pulled into the driveway, and Eli is just chatting it up with with the Airbnb people and the Airbnb folks who are visiting, they're just laughing their hit their, you know, their asses off and how funny he is. And he's like, Hey, watch me how far I can ride my bike and watching how far I can ride my skateboard. And hey, you know, can I tell you a joke, and it's just this joyous sort of energy. That's all about fun, right? It's not about work, it's about fun. So that's, that's the boy that of course, you know, we all have that moment in our lives where things start to change in our bodies, and things start to change in how we view the world, how we view the opposite sex or, or the same sex depending on your, your orientation, but we start to have go through our, our puberty years, and that's when things start to shift. You know, generally speaking, this next stage, we kind of peg it around, you know, puberty to, let's say, around 18 1618 or so. And this is called the page. And throughout this, we're going to use kind of like this medieval, you know, analogy. So this is called the page. And the page is somebody who,
Unknown Speaker 7:34
you know, wants to be a man, but definitely isn't ready yet. Right? Wants to be a knight wants to go out on conquests, and, you know, have real achievements in the world. And actually, you know, have these achievements matter to go slay a dragon and to bring back you know, the dragon head and throw it down and then cavort with the, with the boys in the stables and, you know, have a few drinks and talk about your conquests in battle, or their conquests was women. But ultimately, the page really isn't ready, right?
Unknown Speaker 8:08
And so it's like that awkward, those awkward years where you're trying to figure out man, you kind of look up to the knights who are out there actually crushing it. And you kind of try to find accomplishments that maybe could build your confidence a little bit and maybe help you feel a little, you know, like, Okay, well, hey, I'm on the journey, I'm in the right path, or looking for the signs and signals. And so you kind of like, it's kind of similar to being a knight which is actual conquest, but just the conquest don't matter as much. It's like, Hey, I wonder who can hold their breath underwater for the longest, right? Like, that's the competition you went, you didn't win like a competition that mattered, you won something silly. Like who can jump off the tallest, you know, limb of the tree.
Unknown Speaker 8:53
So the pages is this sort of awkward years, where you're learning about yourself, you're, you're starting to try to develop an identity but oftentimes kind of struggling to do so. And then the next one is the night that we can get into next but Mike, anything you want to share about the boy or the or the page yours that feels relevant to you?
Unknown Speaker 9:14
Well, what I have in my notes is the boy is kind of this imaginative, playful, you know, type of stage where anything's possible, you know, that's, that's kind of what I have in my notes, as I'm like, reflected back in that, that page, your is like, where you witnessed what adulthood looks like, with envy, of like, oh my gosh, I can't wait to experience that. That's something that like, it's like Chase chasing significance chasing after something.
Unknown Speaker 9:46
That's kind of what I showed up in my notes, and I totally relate to that because I was kind of one of those awkward, awkward kids. I was overweight, the pimples, the freckles, the classes at one point I had, you know, the fist fights
Unknown Speaker 10:00
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 10:01
So I just I just remember, you know, that's that's that fight for significance during those during that chapter of life. So I relate to that fully, and seeing like my older brothers as those knights going out and telling all their stories of achievements. And I'm super excited for you to transition into the night. So sure, so I definitely fully relate. Yeah, tell tell us about the night because the night from what I remember when I look at my notes, and this is why it's so relevant is sometimes nights, you can meet like an 80 year old night.
Unknown Speaker 10:34
And then you can meet an 18 year old night. And this this idea of Knighthood lives so much amongst the men that this transition from knighthood into this tunnel, I'm really fired up for you to just touch a jam with us, please, enlighten us, please. It's absolutely and I think you nailed the page energy, right? It's like that you're you're looking at on the older folks with envy, like, oh, I can't wait till I drive a car, you're a freshman. And like, all you want to do is be a senior, right? So status is super important, and how you kind of stack rank, but it's ultimately on these like very small scales that really don't matter. So the knighthood is a really important stage as well. And this is where we actually start to prioritize real accomplishments and real achievements. And, you know, you're out into the world, whether it's getting great grades and graduating, you know, with, with, with honors, or it's going out and getting a great job, or it's going out and making a bunch of money making a bunch of sales, I'm sure a lot of you listen to you're like, Yeah, I'm an entrepreneur, I want to make, say, I want to make six figures. And I want to make seven figures. And I want to make eight figures. And it's like these sorts of accomplishment driven things. And hey, I ran a half marathon, now I want to run a marathon, then I want to run an Ironman, and then we're 100 mile race, it's like, okay, cool, like these sorts of achievements, and kind of going after things is super important. And for a few reasons, I mean, if you, if you don't do this, there's a couple of things that that I think are really important about this stage. And we're also going to share some of the downsides to it, but the positives are, you actually get good at something, right? Like, if you go out and achieve something, you are actually good at it, right? And you're building confidence that you can follow through on things. So it's super important to have this stage of development, where you're going out and testing your power, what how skilled am I and let me actually continue to sharpen my sword as I go trying to slay dragons, whatever those dragons may be. Right now, part of the part of the challenge, though, right with knights, is that this, this can kind of become a shallow sort of thing, right? Where you're chasing after accomplishments, you're chasing after achievement. It's all about achievement, achievement, achievement. And, you know, ultimately, again, that status and how you look and how other people perceive you becomes super important. And so your entire self worth is basically wrapped up into being an overachiever, whether that's, you know, in business, or it's, I'm the funniest person, or I get the most girls or whatever it is, that's, that's part of that identity, that is really the only thing that's driving it. And there's something really shallow, right, about always chasing that next accomplishment. And, you know, one of the very unique things are not unique things I should say, that comes up when I'm speaking to knights, who are starting that transition that you're referencing, Mike into that next stage, is they start to feel like, man, you know, every subsequent achievement that I get, it just doesn't excite me anymore, right? It's starting to lose its luster. It's like, okay, I hit a million dollars. Now what I gotta say I gotta hit $2 million, right? And so there's always another thing that they're chasing after. But at a certain point, it's not that exciting, because that what they really want can't be found in the achievements can't be found in the accomplishments can't be found and sleeping with another woman or whatever that looks like for you. And so you start to question like, what's it really about? Like, what am I doing with my life? Yeah, I'm successful, quote, unquote, on paper, but am I really happy? Am I really fulfilled? Is this really getting me what I want? Or not? And so you start to question that, and that's when you enter the tunnel. And we'll talk about the tunnel here in a second. But the tunnel leads into Prince hood. And you know, that's the next stage. But Mike, there's so much in this night one. In the knights, Knights and princesses really, who are listening to this, the men who are listening, I should say,
Unknown Speaker 14:35
probably fall into these two camps. And so it's super relevant that we help each and every one of you understand this but Mike, when you think about the Knights stage, what else is relevant and what do you think of this or any questions that come up for you? Yeah, knighthood for me is where you are tapping into your full ambition like you're ambitious. You're chasing after things you're learning about like this the travel in the world.
Unknown Speaker 15:00
Do the first Evers is what shows up for me for a night. It's like trying to accomplish all my first my personal bests first time going to a certain location first time buying this new possession first time experiencing something new, right? Like, that's what a lot of the night is going after. And it's so important because if you don't satisfy that knighthood, then what's going to happen is, you're going to get into this, this facade of the Lord or the, you know, the facade of the prince, which is, you know, Andrew, you'll jam on this, but this facade of
Unknown Speaker 15:32
regret, of this feeling of wow, I missed out, I you know, it's like, you might say, get my royal oats, I used to watch coming to America, it's like, Go, Go soil, your royal oats or whatever. And the, you know, obviously, coming to America goes from, you know, He's the prince, but he's like, I gotta go to New York, and he goes to, you know, Brooklyn or whatever, but, and just experiencing this version of life and of development is so critical, because you don't want to enter, you know, that marriage or enter parenthood, or enter into, you know, the 40 5060 year old version of you without slaying those dragons and reaching for that, that ambition and finding that accomplishment focus, because then you get to that point of, you're married, that's where that midlife crisis, like midlife crisis comes in. You know, your old dude, six year old do that's divorced three or four times with a wife who's 25 Or half his age. And, you know, it's like, there's nothing wrong with that. But the reason why he got there is because more than likely, he didn't satisfy his night, passions and ambition and achievements in that earlier stage in life. So therefore, it's like he's trying to satisfy it now, more than likely, there's other reasons, as well, but yeah, absolutely. And I think, you know, I love the word ambition. And that's basically what you're building out here. And again, it's a super important stage of, of development. You know, these are not to be skipped. They're not to be dishonored. Each of them has their positives and their negatives. And just know that like,
Unknown Speaker 17:09
if you don't go out and slay some dragons, then you're gonna question your capacity to slay dragons later, right. And you're gonna just have to make up for this later in life if you try to mature too quickly. So don't be afraid to be ambitious. Don't be afraid to have goals, don't be afraid to have a be hag big, hairy, audacious goal that you're going after. And even if everyone in your life like That's crazy, that's stupid, you'll never achieve it. It's like, this is the time to be irrationally committed to your goals, and say, Yeah, I don't really care what you think I'm gonna go after it. And even if I fail, I'm gonna fail, you know, try my absolute best on the battlefield. Learn a bunch. Exactly, exactly. And you sharpen your sword as you're going out and slaying these dragons. So, knighthood, all about achievement and accomplishment and putting some trophies on the wall, that you can, you know, build some confidence on from later. But what else might and then and then what's going to happen is, eventually you're going to realize a lot of this achievement in the outside world. It's not as meaningful, it's losing some of its substance. Oftentimes the night how they realized that it's not all like, it's, that's not what everything life is all about, is typically some sort of circumstance will come their way. That could be a death of a loved one or an injury, or getting sick or bankruptcy, or like, at some point in time, they're going to reach a place where they're like, Shit, I attached my self worth, to my money to my relationship to my career, and then that thing that they were attached to, might be taken away. So they go through this intrinsic journey. It's very dark. It's fucking scary. It's not a cool place. That's the tunnel, Andrew, in us about the tunnel. Yes, that's on everyone's favorite stage. So basically, like the next stage is on the other side of the tunnel. It's called the prince. And, you know, that's where we, you know, we want to eventually get there, there are some further stages to, but the tunnel is kind of this dark area where we're questioning things, right? Because ultimately, this is like, going from a page to a knight is a little bit of a rite of passage, right? It's like, okay, hey, you're on the varsity team now, like, congratulations, go after it. But you're ultimately not taking on any sort of, like, real responsibility other than how do I just go and, you know, accomplish things. And the tunnel, though, is interesting, because we're leading into like, taking on more energy that's actually collective that's actually impacting others that where there's more mission involved, and ultimately, guys, I mean, you gotta have a mission in life, man, if you're listening and you don't know what your purpose is, if you don't know what your mission is, you got to figure that out, right? And, again, maybe you're a night and you're like, I don't need to worry
Unknown Speaker 20:00
about that right now I just need to hit my next sales goal. Fair enough. But if you're in the tunnel or beyond, you have to start asking why Why am I here? What's my purpose, because you are not going to be satisfied by just another shiny trophy or just another, you know, attractive woman or just another, you know, Rolex on your on your wrist or another vacation. Okay? At a certain point, you've, you've done enough, right? There's enough trophies, there's enough dragons on the wall that you've slayed. And another one really isn't going to make a big impact. And so you start to question these things, you go through the tunnel, and the tunnel is where you're basically going through an identity transformation. Because everything that you valued before, you're starting to question those values, you started to you before you valued significance, status, material look, looks and everything like that, what we're shifting to was a much more deeply rooted identity, that is in the vein of impact, right? Purpose, responsibility, balance, fulfillment, and so we're switching completely what our value sets are. And that's really what that tunnel is. And sometimes you're torn, right, some parts of you kind of want to, you know, just stick with what's easy, and what's known. And some parts of you being drawn towards this other one, there might even be relationships that are kind of keeping you stuck in this in this neighborhood for too long, right. And that's, again, where you can meet that 40 5060 year old night, because nobody ever told him that there was more to life than hitting the strip club, and making a million dollars a year. And so he's like, Okay, well, fair enough. I guess it's not that bad. I'll just keep doing this. But there is so much more. And so this is oftentimes a time for you to question your circle of influence. You know, if I'm a knight who's entering the tunnel, and I'm only hanging out with nights, and they're calling me four nights a week to go out, you know, and drink and party and hang out. Is that really what I want to do? Is that really what's serving my highest good anymore? Hey, I had my fun. I, you know, so, you know,
Unknown Speaker 22:09
Sue sowed my wild oats so to speak, but it's like, maybe you've had enough of that. And this is a time for you to question that. So you enter the tunnel. How long is the tunnel? Hello, as long as it needs to be okay. It could be a few months, it could be a few years, honestly, where you're questioning these things. A lot of times, it depends on who you're hanging out with, and what sort of leadership you're receiving during this time. But that tunnel could last anywhere from a few months, a few years. And it's dark, it's lonely, you're starting to question everything. But you know, like Winston Churchill said, if you find yourself in hell just keep going.
Unknown Speaker 22:47
And eventually, you will find the other side of that tunnel, like what comes up for you when you think about the tunnel and the importance of this, this journey through it. Yeah, I'd like to hear from you about what your tunnel experience was. I'll share my share quickly. And I think back to
Unknown Speaker 23:03
my KNIGHTHOOD WAS I bought three houses rental properties, I was renting out, I was dating a really awesome girl. I was, you know, working, I got my degree working in my career doing really well. And then and then like, this tunnel came where my my best friend at the time was killed in a fatal car crash that girl, we ended our relationship. I was near bankruptcy, my credit score was down to a 400 and I lost my money. My my, my net worth was down. So I was about 27, you know, overweight near broke, like you're broken up with like, it was just that 27 Year version of me. And that tunnel took me to about 31
Unknown Speaker 23:47
and a couple of years for me. And the breakthrough came when i i went to my first Tony Robbins event, I went to the immersion event and walked across fire and I was like, Alright, this is it. I found my purpose, I found that my mess is my message. And I need to like take all these things from my 20s and spend my 30s like helping this mission of helping other people. And I remember the shift for me back in 2012 2013. So for me, I specifically remember that tunnel. It was dark. It was scary. It was learning more about me my you know my identity, who I was what I was about? Why? Like I would question a lot of things and it's a scary place and I have friends that backpacked Europe for six months to figure things out. I listened Matthew McConaughey and green lights and you know, he just went out and grew a beard and went to the jungle and where nobody would know who he was. So he can just get more clear on who he was as a human and going into this deep, dark place. If you listen to green lights or read the book, it's beautiful because he says like, I I turned away a $15 million deal because I just
Unknown Speaker 25:00
I didn't want that to be who I was anymore. You know, you think about like Dave Chappelle turned away a $50 million contract. He's like, I'm just, I'm going away. Like, I gotta get more clear on who I am as a man and what I'm, what my purpose is and why I'm doing what I'm doing. And what's interesting is on the other end of that tunnel that Prince hood is, and I know, Andrew, your jam on this in a moment. But like, that's where we start really getting this flavor of what fulfillment is, and this mission that we're on to enter to get into that, that King, that King status that we're all men is hopefully chasing after but what what was yours? I mean, I'm curious, like, you were your tunnel experience, you know, wasn't full three or four years like mine, but I gotta lead to believe is when you were in India, it was pretty close. Yeah, I mean, yeah. And thanks for that share, I really appreciate it, it's a great way for you all to kind of connect to the energy of what that tunnel looks like, we start to question things. I mean, for me, yeah, it was around the time when I was in India, and, you know, building a building and building and building my business, initially, inside kind of the US. And then we built this business in India. And it just started to get to the point where every subsequent achievement just wasn't, wasn't cutting it, right. It wasn't exciting.
Unknown Speaker 26:18
I really started to question my faith, I really started to question even just like, you know, hey, is there any purpose to life? Is there any meaning to life, I would say in some ways. I remember being at a party in our apartment in India, we had a really cool place. It was like the 16th floor overlooking the entire city, it was like three bedrooms really beautiful. It was literally like 500 bucks a month. For this, like, you know, amazing place, which is wild. But the we were at a party and, you know, by one of my friends who I work with, who I was really close with, that helped me grow the business.
Unknown Speaker 26:55
You know, we've had many discussions over drinks, or other substances in the evening, in those days in those days, let's say, and we were, we were chatting quite a bit. And then I remember he kind of leaned over to someone and he's like, Yeah, you know, he talks about this, that the other he's a nihilist. Right. And I'm like, I'm a nihilist like really. And I'm like, now that I look back, I remember being offended. Which,
Unknown Speaker 27:21
if I, if I'm offended by being called a nihilist, I guess it's not a real nihilist. I guess a real nihilist wouldn't care. But basically, if you're actually familiar with what nihilism is, it's like, just not caring about anything, and that there's that there's absolutely no purpose in the universe.
Unknown Speaker 27:36
It's kind of like just the the equivalent of what's the point. And I definitely felt like I was there, right? I was at a place where it's like, what's the point of this? What's, what's the point of my existence? What's the point of our existence? What's the point of us floating on this ball, you know, for 80 years hurtling through space when the universe is, you know, 13 point 7 billion years or whatever. So it's like, all of these sorts of things were coming at me. And, honestly, what what really helped me get out was, you know, having Elijah right, it was one of those moments where it's like, honestly, I probably could have kept going if I hadn't taken on responsibility. And it kind of forced my hand to start to do that. So
Unknown Speaker 28:18
you know, that's kind of the tunnel. And that's how you want to be thinking about it. It's like, what's, like, the moments where you really start to question everything. And, you know, what was nice is when you have a, when I had a son, it's hard to,
Unknown Speaker 28:34
it's hard to take that concept seriously. Right? And, you know, for instance, if I handed you a baby, right, and I said, take care of it, you wouldn't like try to rationalize that you wouldn't be like, well, you know, I really take care of the baby. I mean, most it's gonna live for, like, 80 years and like, then die left. So like, what's the point? You know, the, it's obvious why you should take care of the baby. It's because the baby needs you. Right. And so, you know, that was a nice thing to kind of force me into responsibility. I don't know, maybe even some of you listening can relate to that, you know, being surprised to the Father and then having to step up. So. And I'm sure during that process, you know, and thanks for sharing, by the way, because then some some stuff I didn't even know. And I were business partners. I'm curious what other shit. Well, one of the things I don't know, what else am I hiding? That's right.
Unknown Speaker 29:23
But it's, it's beautiful. Because what you said is sometimes life tosses us into into the tunnel when we weren't expecting it. You know, like, my mom died when I was 20. Like, I didn't expect it, you know? So it's like, sometimes it's death of a loved one. Sometimes it's an injury. You know, sometimes it's, you know, a breakup, whatever it is, and, and oftentimes, that's where you are now in a position to enter the tunnel now by because you entered the tunnel doesn't necessarily mean you make it to the other end, and that's where we find at least I don't know if you could speak to this, Andrew, where these men enter the tunnel. It gets really uncomfortable. They have this circumstance. Oh, should I have a kid
Unknown Speaker 30:00
it, man that sucks. This happens. And what do they do? They retreat back to knighthood. And they settle into addictions they get, they'll settle into the addictions of the video games or the porn or the chasing after women or cheating or, you know, whatever it might be, because they're like, this is what's familiar. This is what's comfortable. And that shit was so uncomfortable. I don't even I don't I just don't want to or let me dabble back in it's like, oh, no, that's it's too scary. Let me go back. And they retreat. What what are you? What are your What are your thoughts on this idea? If there's, if there's someone listening right now, that's like, retreating back, you know, what can we say to them? Number one, and maybe like, what's the reasoning as to why it's beneficial for them to push through? Yeah, I mean, if you're listening, and you're kind of flirting with the Tuttle and, and knighthood and Prince said, and you're not sure, you know which direction to go. Ultimately, what you're really afraid of is stepping up and change, right? You're, you're, you're nervous of what you're going to lose as you're stepping into this next phase.
Unknown Speaker 31:00
And you're avoiding responsibility, right, you are running away from your destiny. And I think the great story, the way I look at biblical stories, oftentimes is the reason that they are have stood the test of time is because they matter and they matter to all of us. Think about the story of Jonah in the whale, where he tries to run away from his destiny, but then life takes him down right in the form of a whale, you know, where he spends three days in the belly of the whale. Okay, now, did Jonah really spend three days in the belly of a whale? I'll let you all determine that in the comments section. And you guys can get into a heated Facebook like discussion about whether or not that's accurate.
Unknown Speaker 31:43
No matter what, metaphorically, what is that that's the tunnel, right? Like you're going on life, you try to escape, it's gonna capture you anyway, right. And you're gonna have to spend even more time in the belly of the whale in the tunnel, before you're spit out ultimately, right where you're supposed to be in your destiny. So you can try to run from this, but it's going to chase you down, right? You're trying to basically betray yourself and betray your mission, if you do not move forward. And if you keep escaping into these addictions, so no escaping, right? If you try to escape, you're just delaying, and you're adding more trauma and more pain that you have to work through, once you do eventually come to write, or, you know, you might just end up killing yourself, because you're addicted to everything, and every, you know, anything and everything. And that's even more tragic. So
Unknown Speaker 32:39
hopefully, I've given you enough reasons to avoid that sort of, route. And I'm not saying that every man doesn't go back and flirt a little bit with knighthood from from time to time, what I find typically, is that people under stress, extreme stress situations, they'll kind of revert back a stage, right? So, you know, if you do kind of live by yourself to be a prince, and maybe it's even, like you're comfortable there, you know, let's say things get really stressful at work. And you know, there's money problems at home, and you and the wife are fighting, yeah, you might find yourself drinking a little bit more than you should, right. So you start to retreat back, you know, when when there's stress, the biggest thing I would just say there is don't judge yourself and just try to try to find, find your way back onto the right path. Again, a lot of times that's having good people in your life to be able to do that. So here's what I'd say, you know, there's, you have a pretty good sense of what the tunnel is what's what's on the other side of the tunnel, right? And, and what that is, it's called a prince, okay. And there's three different versions of the prince. So we just call them Prince, stage one, two, and three. So what defines what a prince stage one is, and this is where you have kind of transitioned out of the tunnel, and you've kind of come out of winter and into spring, and you're starting to recognize, oh my gosh, there's a better way to do this, I can still bring accomplishments but in the service of something else. Now, you might not know what particularly you're being prepped for in print stage one that's a little bit towards print stage two, but you just know that there is a deeper purpose, you know, that there is more meaning. And so you're going on that journey and you're simultaneously kind of learning what you need to learn. A lot of times I think it prints stage one is like a preparation for your ultimate mission in life for me, I think about my time with epic impact and abundant where I really you know, had a chance to kind of learn how to be a good coach you know, to be honest, my when I was first a coach, I don't know if I was very that you know, all that good. I mean, people liked it, but I think I'm way better now. It's just an opportunity to like, up almost like apprenticeship. Your mission. And so you might be thinking like, Okay, well how do I do that? I don't know. But you need to find something that matters and just do good work. Even if you're like, man, you know, I was talking to someone yesterday.
Unknown Speaker 35:00
And we'd do like roadshows and you know, they set up their booths, and they, you know, sell different products. And, you know, part of part of him was like, this is like kind of getting old, am I really making a difference? I stand here all day every day. And I sell products at a roadshow, like, you know, I don't know if this really matters. And I really had to throw back at him and say, hey, look, it matters. And what about the dignity of a good hard day's work? And what are you learning? And how is this job preparing you for something in the future, whether it's financially, or it's helping you, you know, learn about yourself, or it's helping you to find, you know, gain more skills. So this is really what print stage one is all about, you start to hang out with more princes, who are on the journey to fulfillment and actually finding mission and purpose. But Mike, what comes up for you on the on the prince stage one? Well, when I first learned this is when I have my journal, what stage Am I in right now in this life cycle, and I put that I'm in stage one of prints. Because I'm still working through the patterns of embodiment of my values, and living to the standards that I want for my kingdom. I've created my core values. So therefore, in prints, one, you create your core values, you'll learn a little bit about them. I said, I'm learning about my gifts during my journey, I'm fully accepting them and internalizing them at the moment, I feel grounded with purpose, and know the desires of what I want, which includes internal strength, external power, giving to my community, creating legacy and impact. And I said, I'm conscious of my COI, my circle of influence, and what's influencing me right now. But not until I conquer the ego, and begin to openly receive feedback without judgment and resentment, that's when I'll transition into the stage to have friends. So choosing the right way versus accomplishments. And it's just interesting, reflecting back on this, you know, four or five years ago, and just looking at where I'm at now, and just being intentional with embodiment of my core values embodiment of this, of this mission that I'm on, and serving a higher purpose, willing to receive feedback, not casting judgment, being curious, before critical. So at the moment, when writing this was probably from a level of innocence of like, Man, this is what I want. And this is, you know, I see a disconnect there. And then me right now, looking back on it, it's like, wow, that was really cool for me to be willing and courageous enough to capture it. Hence why I love journaling so much, because it's like a snapshot of my emotions of where I was at that chapter of my life learning this lesson. And now fast forward, you know, years later, about four or five years later sharing this with other people that can take from this and I hope you're doing this exercise, too. And I would invite you to think once we kind of wrap up, what stage are you at right now? What stage are you at in your life cycle? What are the gifts that are, what what gifts are offered being offered to you during this stage of where you're at, and what's needed to get you to the next stage. So that's what's shown up for me, if you want to speak to us, you definitely can ask that just want to double click on the values purpose, you know, habits, what we're really doing during Stage one is we're like prep, we're preparing for the journey, right? We're in the, in the training center, right? So go on the journey, and we kind of know what our values are and who we are, who we are. But we don't really know the vehicle of how to bring our mission into the world. So a lot of times print stage two, kind of looks like you defining what that vehicle looks like, right? It's actually where your mission and where you're spending, the majority of your time kind of starts to align. And maybe it's not even the majority of your time, but it's the majority of your energy or the majority of you know, your excess energy. However, we wanted to find that, but it's you start to really, really find a vehicle that's going to move your mission forward in the world, right? So the birth of better than rich really was kind of like the beginning of the stage two. For me, it was like, Okay, wow, I've apprenticed I've understood who I'm who I am, who I'm supposed to be, who I need to be what my standards are, I have some pretty good healthy habits. Let's begin this journey to where it's actually, you know, really what I do for a living is mission driven. And again, this can be any sort of any job right, you can bring your mission into your your position, right where you are right now, maybe you do need to change careers in order to do that. But 90% of the time or more, I would recommend beginning to try to bring your mission into your work on a daily basis. And at least give that a shot before you just quit your job and, and jump into something else. But that's really what stage two is about. And I'll just kind of wrap things up and move to stage three and the king stage as well. Basically, stage three is where you've been on that journey of working on your mission on a daily basis and like putting in the hours and doing the heavy lifting like just adding value as much as possible and trying to impact people as much as possible and big change as much as possible.
Unknown Speaker 40:00
But you've been doing that for like, 1015 years, right? And you can look and you be like, wow, I've actually created a pretty nice little Empire here. I've created a nice little, you know, kingdom for myself, you know, and I think this could be, you know, you have a small business, it's doing pretty well, it's kind of running, you have a staff, you have some employees, you know, you have some status, and you're involved in the community, like, you've done a good job, you've been a good steward of all the resources and things that have been coming your way, you've built some really strong relationships, you're, you're kind of mentoring people along the way, kind of helping them on their path through knighthood, and Prince hood and, and showing people the ropes and helping them learn from your mistakes and all of that. And, and that's like, Prince states three, right? And by the way, you could be like a billionaire, whatever, like, you know, I look at Elon Musk, or I look at, you know, Mark Zuckerberg or whatever. And it's, it's kind of like, I don't know, Mark Zuckerberg, I kind of put it like print stage three, to be honest, you know, yeah, he's got enough money to be a king.
Unknown Speaker 41:06
You know, 10 times over, it's not really about how much money you have, that determines if you're a king or not that and, you know, really what the reason I put them in stage three, I think I put myself at stage two. So it's not like I'm, I'm saying I'm a king or anything.
Unknown Speaker 41:23
Is like i don't i don't know like Is he is he really going to turn this to this next step to a king, to be a true king, to where ultimately he did all of this for the, for the betterment of the planet for the betterment of people for the betterment of others, or was it kind of ego driven, and it can still be ego driven, even at stage three, and like the difference between the king and stage three is the the king ultimately decides, yes, I've gotten this far. And now my only job really, is to serve. Now my only job is to be a servant to my people, I am the benevolent King, who's going to make sure that my people are taking care of, right. And we know people who have done that, and we know people who kind of like clamp up towards the end of their lives. And, you know, they actually kind of get hardened and embittered. And, you know, maybe they're super rich, but they're super stingy, or whatever that looks like to you, you probably met some people like that. And it's like, man, you have so much wisdom to give, and you're just wasting, wasting your latter years just on the golf course with, you know, a few of your buddies, and you're not really giving back. So that's kind of the difference between stage three and King. And the last thing about The King is, you know, they're focused on giving, they're focused on serving, that's really their only purpose is to make an impact. And they say, Hey, I need nothing I'm completely taken care of. And now all I want to do for the rest of my life is show up for others, and to make an impact on their lives. So that's kind of the tail end of the lifecycle. That obviously, I do hope one day to be asked, Mike, what's coming up for you? Yeah, the one thing that resonates with me is the king with the king is the it's the master who doesn't think that they're a master. It's the the master who's continually showing up to learn in order to give and for me, the king that I look up to is, you know, if you follow me as Tony Robbins, because this is someone who, as you know, his businesses are worth five $6 billion. You know, he has over 100 different businesses that he has his hands in, but yet, he's 60 years old or so and running, you know, these companies and his net worth is through the roof, but he still shows up, to learn to help humanity, figuring out things with stem cells, or health or money and just to give back constantly, and I admire that I love the principles that he leaves his life by because because he does what he does, and just leads from that place is is really beautiful. So I that's what I would say about King so for you, for you listening, is just thinking about is there a role model that does embody what it means to be a king, to give back to the community to say, You know what, I am a master but I also continue to grow, I continue to learn I continue to evolve, because I know the people that are following me are also learning from me still, and I'm going to just keep continuing to evolve until the day I die. And I really love that that principle for the king. I also wanted to mention if you could just real quick just double click on
Unknown Speaker 44:41
the Lord because the Lord is is like this prince who kind of doesn't veered off the path. Yeah, desire to be this king and just kind of alright, I did all the hardship but I'm okay just being complacent. Can you kind of just kind of share to that because I think there might be some people relate that Yeah, absolutely.
Unknown Speaker 45:00
it. And yeah, I like what you said about the king. Another principle that I oftentimes remind people of is that the king is committed to service, right? And growth until the day they die. So it's like, you're never stopping being a student, and you're also never stopping being a giver. And, you know, what does that look like to you?
Unknown Speaker 45:20
If you're on that journey to being a king, now, the Lord is basically somebody who stepped off the journey, right? Somebody who got to printed, maybe they, you know, got their first house, maybe they, you know, have a couple of kids, you know, they got a dog, you know, maybe they have some
Unknown Speaker 45:36
investments, right. And, you know, they're they're building their nest egg or something. And what generally, the Lord does is they kind of take the foot off the gas, they go, all right, like, I've made it, I've arrived, I've, I've grown enough and look at my success and look around, it's, you know, what's, how can anyone argue with this. And, you know, to be fair, they did do a fair amount of work to get to that place. And to kind of like, create this, like sort of comfort zone, right, and safety and protection, whether it's in the form of their financials, or their gated community, or whatever they have there. But what they ended up doing is they stepped off of the journey of growth, they actually stop really doing a lot of the things that got them there. And they just go into Coast mode. Okay. Now, if you're listening, and you are currently in Coast mode, you really got to ask yourself, is it fulfilling? Is it rewarding to be in Khost mode, and basically, the Lord, you know, kind of said, you know, this is good enough. And the truth is, that, psychologically, that just doesn't work, right? Because we're where our comfort zone, we have nothing to strive for, then life does start to get meaningless. And then we find ourselves no matter how much money we have deeply unfulfilled, and heading back towards the addiction model that Mike talked about earlier. So the Lord has stepped off the path. And they basically said, I'm, I'm comfortable. Just being a lord, I don't need to be a king. Again, it's important to recognize that when we talk about being a king, it's not like you have to be the king of all kings. Okay? That would be kind of blasphemous for you to call yourself the King of kings and the Lord of lords. Okay? What we're talking about is baking, having a relatively decent sized kingdom for yourself, that you can also have a decent sized plot of land, you know, literally or metaphorically as a lord. But ultimately, you're not doing it in the service of others, you're just trying to extract, you know, value from others in your life or from, you know, the land that you've acquired. So, my thoughts on the Lord here and how it relates to the king. Yeah, the Lord is going to grind in order to chill. So they're going to work really hard, just like and like do nothing with the pursuit of the king. So the pursuit of the Lord, let me work real hard until I don't have to do anything to pursue the king is, let me work hard with a purpose to leave this place better than I found it. That's really what it is. It's like this is this traction to legacy. And I think if you're listening to the show, which is the better than rich show to leave today, better than you found it, there's probably a version of you, or the whole part of you that says, I really want to have my name, be tied to something greater than just my possessions than just, you know, being here for 80 years. And then that's it, that I made a difference in people's lives that touches the hearts of other people, and that there's other people better, and living their purpose and living their passions, because of the way I showed up. And those people might be your kids, it might be your significant other, it might be strangers, but there is a there's a deep need for kings in our world. And for you and demand. I don't want to use the word risk, it's your responsibility to be a king. But I would say it's it is your responsibility to pursue the accomplishments and the endeavors and the model of what it means to run a kingdom, for your family, for your community, for yourself for your life, because responsibility is the ability to respond. And once you get through that tunnel, and you've done the hard work, and you've created these values, and you've got this purpose, do something with it, your your, your your people, the people around you need you to step into that.
Unknown Speaker 49:30
Beautiful, beautiful so again, to review boy, page, night tunnel Prince, Prince has three stages, and then there's the Lord.
Unknown Speaker 49:39
But ultimately, where we're all headed where we want to add is to the king. So I hope that this has been thought provoking for each and every one of you. I do want to circle back on the questions Mike posed earlier. So make sure that you answer these this week, maybe even drop them in the comments below. Whether it's on your favorite podcast platform or if you're
Unknown Speaker 50:00
On YouTube, you can find our video there. We would want to know what stage are you in now? What are the gifts of this current stage that you still need to glean and take from this stage? And then what do you need to do to ultimately progress to that next stage of development as a man? So men out there I hope that this has been rewarding women out there send this to the men in your lives, okay, I think they need this right. A lot of times men need to be spurred along by women in our lives and and that's a good thing. That's part of your your role in inspiring us. Well, thanks, everyone. This has been a pleasure. Again, if you have any questions, let us know because this is a thought provoking episode. Thank you, Mike for your contributions, and we will see you next week on the veteran rich show. Until then, leave today better than you found it.
Unknown Speaker 50:54
Thanks for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, and you'd like to help support the show, please share it with others post about it on social media or leave a rating and review. To catch all the latest from us. You can follow us on Instagram at better than underscore rich and join our Facebook group at the better than rich. Thanks again for listening. We look forward to seeing you next time and remember, leave today better than you found it
Transcribed by https://otter.ai