How to Build Your Self-Confidence | The Better Than Rich Show Ep. 20

Do You Trust Yourself?

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Do You Trust Yourself? 〰️

How to Build Your Self-Confidence

Ensuring our self-confidence is intact is important to every aspect of our lives. Self-confidence can be built or destroyed simply. It starts with the agreements we make with ourselves.

Are we keeping them? How many of the things we say we will do actually get done?

If we make an agreement that we are going to do or say something and we do it, we are building our self-confidence. Likewise, if we make agreements with ourselves and we don’t follow through, it diminishes our self-confidence because then we question if we will be able to follow through for ourselves when it comes to other tasks.

We begin to question our capacity and capability.

Why Agreements with Oneself Go Unkept?

There are numerous reasons why we don’t keep the agreements we make with ourselves. Sometimes it’s hesitation, distraction, or we forget why we made the agreement in the first place. When we don’t know the reason why we need to do something it is a lot easier to unintentionally make small negotiations with ourselves. Those small negotiations like waking up 30 minutes later than agreed or pushing a project back a day or two, create momentum that diminishes self-confidence.

This wave of negative momentum needs to be stopped before we drift too far from the person we want to be and the things we are meant to be doing.

How to Pivot

We know ourselves better than anyone else. So, if we are doing our best and we can look in the mirror and know that then that’s all we can do.

But, at the end of the day, we know what we could have shown up for, what we could have gotten completed, and what we could have made advancements on.

We must consistently show up for ourselves. Our could have, should never match up to our list of completed tasks.

Doing our best also doesn’t look like coming with one hundred and ten percent every day, every hour, every second. We are human. Doing our best means giving exactly as much of ourselves as we can, given the circumstances and the current moment. For example, showing up at sixty percent of our capacity instead of one hundred percent because we don’t feel all too well that day, is a hundred times better than just deciding to not show up for ourselves or others at all.

Just by showing up and giving what you can give in the moment people will accept and appreciate that.

Half of life is simply showing up. Can you show up and make an acceptable product? If we settle for less than what we are capable of we have officially given up and we have already begun to decline.

Wired for Comfort

Though the concept of building and diminishing one’s self-confidence is quite simple, no one said it would be easy.

It can be difficult at first because it’s new and new means discomfort. We are wired for comfort and safety, sticking to what we know feels safe, but safety also means stagnating at times. We are naturally led to the path of least resistance.

The attempt to keep the agreements we make with ourselves, even if it isn’t the best quality outcome, is what sets the best from the rest. It is the willingness to try, fail, and learn.

Communication is important when working through the discomfort we encounter throughout the course of positive change. Generally, when we are hesitant to show up without being one hundred percent, we are worried about disappointing ourselves or others because we know our outcome will be less than what we would normally produce.

If we communicate with our team that we are going to show up and give our all even though our capacity isn’t where it normally is, it creates a space for acceptance and appreciation. We need to be able to effectively communicate the grace we need.

Challenging Imposter Syndrome

Who am I to…

Be successful

Travel the world

Believe I’m the best at my craft

Feel Beautiful

Feel important…

And the list goes on. Imposter syndrome is when we second guess ourselves and the things we do. Who am I to be successful and there are a billion other people in this world working hard as well? Who am I to find financial stability when others can’t?

We feel unworthy of the things we accomplish when we cut corners and don’t follow through. When we know we could have done better, completed more, and reached our goal to our full potential and didn’t, our wins feel like pity prizes.

Putting in just enough work is not enough to live a life that is Better Than Rich, cutting corners is an action of someone who is attempting to get rich quickly.

The way to overcome imposter syndrome and silencing the voice of doubt is to become more worthy of our reward. We become more worthy and reaching our goals become worthwhile when we keep ourselves accountable and show up when we say we will. When we don’t do the hard work and make the tough decision, we feel unfulfilled with the outcome and that is where insecurity enters.

Another way to challenge imposter syndrome is to analyze what we decide to focus on. Are we constantly criticizing ourselves and dismissing the compliments of others on our work? To give properly, to show up properly, we need to be able to receive completely, no matter if it’s small. Allowing ourselves to accept and receive makes us better givers because as we receive, we have more to give.

We can not pour from an empty cup.

Remembering Past Wins

Not every season of life is Summer, or a season full of advancement or wins. The allure of achievement fades eventually, there is always more to learn, and room to grow. Throughout a winter season of life, the best way to keep self-confidence is to remember our past wins and past successes. How were we showing up during these times, what did you accomplish? What were we doing when no one was around then, that we can apply now to draw from that past success? What we do when no one watches matters, every moment and decision point is pushing us closer or further away from our alignment.

Once a winner is always a winner, but before becoming a winner we practiced and failed. Success is the willingness to fail forward and the ability to get back up. Self-confidence is found within our determination and grit.

A winner is a person that never quits.

Mike Abramowitz 0:11
Welcome to the better than rich show with your hosts Andrew Biggs and Mike Abramowitz. The better than rich show helps ambitious leaders who are on a mission to leave the world better than they found it changed their perspective on what's important, increase their income and impact and systemize their life and business. If you've ever struggled with finding your purpose and felt disconnected or distracted or found yourself going through the motions, this show will remind you that what you do matters and will re inspire you to chase your highest dreams. It's time for you to become better than rich.

Andrew Biggs 0:46
Hello, and welcome to the better the rich Show. I'm your host Andrew Biggs. I'm here with my co host, Mike Abramowitz. Mike, how you doing today?

Mike Abramowitz 0:54
Feeling good. Andrew coming off a big night last night. Excited to jam today. And we have a cool topic to talk about. I'm excited. Yeah. So

Andrew Biggs 1:02
for those who don't know what happened last night.

Mike Abramowitz 1:06
So I have a friend of mine, Nick Santen. Estado, who I it's an interesting story, I call him a friend now. But a couple of years ago, we were strangers and you know, met him at an event that he was speaking at, and going to foster the relationship over the course of the last couple years. And then he spoke to our what was supposed to be for an intimate group of just my Tony Robbins local community that run, I was like, Alright, let me throw it out to the public, and ended up having about 150 folks join last night so and I've been getting lots of text messages, Facebook messages, Instagram messages, I even got one email of how much value they got from the conversation last night. So it was really, really cool and rewarding to be able to, you know, just influence the marketplace and another way.

Andrew Biggs 1:54
Yeah, absolutely. And again, for those who aren't familiar with Nick, you know, there's some very obvious reasons why he's a special person. What are some of the obvious reasons? So what are some of the not so obvious reasons.

Mike Abramowitz 2:06
So if you're watching lie of watching the video, this is his book victim to Victor. And you could clearly see he has one arm and no legs. So he is a really special unique case, where something only like 1212 People like in the world ever, like have had to like the Hand Heart Syndrome or survived the symptoms of whatever he had when he was born. And so he's just live. He's 25 years old and has gone through the fight of life without, you know, without legs and only one arm and one finger. And now he's he's gone into professional bodybuilding. He's was a varsity wrestler. He went into music, he's gone into motivational speaking, he's been interviewed on Ed my lead podcast, he was on the same stage with Tony Robbins, who spoke to 10s of 1000s of people in China as one of their premier speakers. And now he's getting paid. I when I saw him who's paid like five grand to speak. And now his speaker fee a couple years later is 50 grand. So he's 10x his speaker fee just in the last couple of years, and it's really been inspiring to see he's, you know, he's hanging out with a rock in Vegas at a gym and it's really cool to just kind of see what he's been able to do early in his life and capitalize on the small little opportunities that came his way especially when most most people would be victims and you know, he he came up with the idea when vines was popular because like to dress up like a zombie and scare people. And that's like that was how he got known by the world. It was it's actually quite funny story there. But it's cool.

Andrew Biggs 3:50
Thank you people. So go back and watch that or where's it at now or is it live?

Mike Abramowitz 3:54
Yeah, right now it's on my facebook live on my personal page. So Mike Abramowitz on my Facebook page, and then I'm going to be sending an email out so if they're on our email list, then I'll send an email out to everyone on Mike Abramowitz and also better than rich just giving them access to that, that interview. And just so you know, I mean, he will usually charge 10s of 1000s of dollars, and he did it for free as a gift for for an hour. It was over an hour, I thought it was only gonna be 30 minutes, but he gave us an hour of his time yesterday to speak. And it was really a beautiful conversation. So I think they'll get a lot of value out of it.

Andrew Biggs 4:29
Beautiful, beautiful. Well just, you know, be sure you go check that out on Mike's personal page. If you're not friends with him, become friends with him is a great person to get to know. He also has a professional page you could check out on Facebook as well that I recommend you like and follow. But um, yeah, today, just a little bit more housekeeping. We are doing a review promotion where if you do rate us on Apple podcasts, go ahead and give us a review and send a screenshot obviously we'd appreciate it if it's five stars. I will leave that up to you of course But if you're getting value from this, go to Apple podcasts, make sure you rate and review us take a screenshot posted in our private Facebook group for the better than rich show and you'll be entered into a contest to win the better than rich water bottle, which is the most coveted a better than rich swag at the moment. So make sure that you make sure you do that it will enter you into that contest. We

Mike Abramowitz 5:20
appreciate Matt, Matt Berg strim for his review, and he said insightful and actionable with a five star rating really great podcast and love the content and the way these guys deliver to make it actionable. Highly recommend exclamation point. So thank you for the review, Matt, we appreciate it. And, you know, we're, we're really grateful. And that's one of the things that we try to do is we try to bring complex issues and make them simple, and, and ideally insightful. So we appreciate that.

Andrew Biggs 5:49
Awesome. And hopefully, we will be able to do that today on our topic of self confidence. And, you know, as we were kind of going back and forth this morning, Mike on self confidence, I know you had a number of thoughts, I had a handful as well. When you think about the topic of how to develop more confidence in yourself, how to trust yourself more how to actually, you know, fill the fill the shoes that you feel like you possibly can in the world? What comes up for you, man, where do you want to start as we kick off today's topic?

Mike Abramowitz 6:17
Self confidence is as easy as holding the agreements that you've made to yourself, it's really apt. And if you make an agreement that you're going to do or say or follow through on something, and then when you do that is going to add more self confidence because that means you can trust yourself. If you make agreements and promises and say you're going to do something and then then don't do it, then what you're doing is you're diminishing self confidence, because now you're showing that you might not follow through on other things that you say you're going to do. I think Self confidence is as simple as that. I think that obviously we'll be able to explore a little bit more. But that's pretty this pretty much the simple way I approach self confidence holding true to the agreements that you keep to yourself.

Andrew Biggs 7:00
Yeah. And why does some people not hold true to the agreements they keep for themselves? What do you see there

Mike Abramowitz 7:07
could be a number of things, I think it could be distraction settle in, I think sometimes people forget why they made those agreements in the first place. So if I forget why I'm doing something, then I'll allow some sort of distractions to settle in. Sometimes temptation might settle in, it's like, I know, I made the agreement to go to the gym, but I'm just so tempted to take the nap or to eat instead, or, you know, not wake up or whatever it might be. So temptation might settle in, distraction might settle in. And I think sometimes it's not even intentional, I think sometimes people think it's not a big deal. It's like, oh, it's just hitting the snooze on the alarm clock. I know, I said I was gonna wake up at 630. But I could get up at seven. And then what happens is, that's one negotiation that started. So anytime we have these little negotiations of 30 minutes here, and then it's like a little negotiation there. And little negotiation here. All of a sudden, we created this momentum and this drift of where we've now we are now negotiating with our own agreements, which again, puts puts us into this, this drift, the analogy I use is being in the ocean and your blankets all the way over there. And you're in this drift in the ocean. And you're like, Wait, who moved my blankets? Like no, you didn't you were in a drift and didn't realize you were in the drift in the small tiny decisions and actions ended up adding up and moving you away from what you originally wanted?

Andrew Biggs 8:34
Yeah, totally. I was watching a little quick interview with Kobe Bryant, where they you know, he was talking about, hey, when I signed up to train, you know, in the summer, whatever the training modules, right, that I've signed up for that was the training, like, there was no looking back. It was brutal. I think he trained four times a day, whereas other players were trained twice a day. And it's just like, there's just once I made that agreement, once I made that decision, that's what I signed up for. I'm gonna follow through. And of course, we talk about somebody who has a lot had a lot of self confidence. You know, Kobe Bryant is somebody who's one of the best players in the world because of that reason. You know, I think it's I think it's really interesting. One of the things that comes up for me as a question, Mark, you know, we were actually going back and forth on this this morning, where I felt a little bit this morning, I wasn't feeling my best. And I'm glad we're here because it's actually an interesting timing, right? Because I was like, oh, man, I do. I think I really have the energy for, you know, to show up for our audience here today. And I was like, You know what? The audience needs me. Mike needs me. The team needs me. We have a schedule. We said we're gonna do it. Let's do it. Right. And I guess one question that comes up is how do you know when to pivot if you make an agreement and how do you know when to hold true? Any thoughts on that?

Mike Abramowitz 9:56
It's a good question, because ultimately Ultimately, the only person that you have to really look in the mirror at the end of the day is yourself. So it's like, if you think that you're giving it your best, that's all you can ever ask. And even if it disappoints other people that in the process, then they'll get over it. Just like, I know, Andrew, you said your film was sick this morning. And obviously, the team myself are following, we would all get over it. But if you can, you know, at the end of the day, you look and be like, Man, you know what, I could have had that conversation, you know, then that's where some of that self confidence, self self confidence might diminish a little bit by you showing up today, for me and for the team and for our audience and saying, you know, I'll give it my best, it might not be the best, but it'll be my best right now. And my best right now is maybe 60% of what my full potential is, but it's 100% of what I have in this moment. And I think majority of people could agree with me that just by showing up, even though it's 60%, but it's 100% of what you're able to give right now. But it's 60% of your capacity, but it's 100% What you can give right now, people are going to admire respect, and appreciate that you're giving your your your best in that moment. I don't even know if I answered the question. Yeah, no,

Andrew Biggs 11:15
it's good. I mean, I think for everyone listening to make that applicable to you, it's like, there's moments where, you know, you're you're kind of contemplating, you are, you know, asking yourself, what's, what is the best move right now. And, you know, just, you know, whether you're feeling a certain way, or you're thinking a certain way, you know, you can you can begin to question that. But, you know, what makes that is so true. And I think you've heard it before, it's a cliche, but it's a cliche for a reason, which is like half of life is showing up. And when you just show up, and you trust, and you're consistent. You know, even if it's not your best every single time, it's going to get some result, and people are going to appreciate it, they build more trust, you build more trust in yourself. So there's just so much that can come from that. Ultimately, if you're really can't show up, and you can't look yourself in the mirror and say, you know, it was in my best interest to show up and maybe don't show up. But, you know, for me going back, I told Mike, I'm torn. How should I do it? So not? I had to ask that myself that question I'd like could I show up and at least produce something acceptable? The answer was yes. And so I'm here. And I think that's a really good way of looking at it. Man, I appreciate that.

Mike Abramowitz 12:31
Cool, I appreciate that. Because it's tough. It's, it is tough, because oftentimes our and Nick was talking about this on the episode last night, but we are wired to go to what's comfortable. So we're wired to go with to what's comfortable. That's how we are designed to protect ourselves. So naturally, we're gonna go to the least the path of least resistance. And the path of least resistance and Andrews example is, I don't want to get off the couch, I feel sick. That's the least resistance. And that's when the second voice and the third voice comes into the head where it's like, Well, what was the agreement that you made to yourself? And are you actually do you are you physically able to attempt the agreement, maybe it's not the absolute best, but it's an attempt at the agreement. And, you know, frankly, that that's what's going to separate the best from the rest. That's what separates Kobe Bryant from the rest of the league. That's what separates, you know, the better than rich show and the leaders of that better than rich show from maybe other people in the industry that might have just mailed it in or you know, or just settled for missing this week or something like that. So I just want to admire you appreciate you. And also to anybody who's listening, saying, You don't have to be the best, you don't have to be on 100% Every single time you're on, you just have to communicate ahead of time. That's like, listen, I wasn't going to show up. But I didn't want to not show up. So I'm showing up at my best right now. And my best right now is really only about 50% of my full potential. So just bear with me a little bit. And I just want you to know that I'm here, and I appreciate you and I'm gonna give it the best that I can in this moment. So it's like, almost like communicating the grace that you're you did with me earlier today. It's like, cool, we'll we'll walk. We'll stick with it. But like, kind of keep that in mind. And I think that's an important approach that you took to the conversation.

Andrew Biggs 14:26
Yeah, totally. When you think about, you know, you laid it out pretty pretty, directly right to start which is honoring the agreements you keep with yourself. When you think about other facets to building self confidence like what else comes up for you there if anything, I'm curious what you what you see there. I

Mike Abramowitz 14:46
mean, it's a very broad topic. The only the only things that would would happen is more of like specifics underneath the umbrella because I think almost everything under the umbrella of self confidence comes from that whole holding true to the agreements that we make to ourself, and I'm sure there's other things, but you know, the

Andrew Biggs 15:07
well, a lot of people here's, here's a question. I think a lot of people struggle with impostor syndrome, right? Which is, you know, I? Yeah, who am I to be talented and rich and successful? Who am I to be a leader? Who am I, to step out and say something to the world and get my voice out there? Who am I to? To be beautiful and fit? Who am I to, you know, have this financial freedom and travel the world? I'm just I'm not good enough for that. Right? So a lot of people have that sort of like negative voice. You know, what are some tactics for kind of quieting that voice and kind of overcoming impostor syndrome.

Mike Abramowitz 15:47
And again, I think it still falls under the umbrella of holding agreements that you keep to yourself. But just to that point, you you become more worthy, you become more worthy of what your desires are in life when you hold the agreement. So the imposter syndrome settles in, when you feel that you're, you've cut corners on certain things, like anytime I felt that in my past is because I was cutting corners on things I wasn't, you know, in the past, not following through uncertain things like I have, I have a journal that, and I might have even shared this on one of the episodes, but one of my first journal entries that I ever wrote, it's okay, but I was gonna grab it and read it. But I realized that most people are listening. If you're

Andrew Biggs 16:32
listening to the audio, and you're wondering where Mike's mic when he's searching for his journal.

Mike Abramowitz 16:37
I'm like, wait a minute, most of you will listen to this on Apple or Spotify anyway, but it is on YouTube. So if you're watching on YouTube, I was gonna show you but in the journal is back about 10 years ago that said, I'm writing in this journal, because Jim Rohn told me I'm supposed to, that's what the journal entry said. The journal entry also wrote, it's like, I know what to do. But instead of doing it, I just teach it to others versus applying the lessons I'm learning. I think I'm better than other people. But results don't show it. And it's just like, such an arrogant type of like journal entry. But that's, that's what the journal entry says. And, and the truth, the truth is that I wasn't applying the things that I was learning, like I would learn to teach, but not learn to apply. And that's where a lot of that impostor syndrome, like this projection of self competence would show up. And it was more of a facade than, than anything, and I didn't know that looking back on it, I couldn't see it. But I look in the relationship I was in at that time, there was tension in the relationship because I was having this facade where it's like, I, I have a lot of money, and I'm, I'm really successful. And I'm this and it's like, but really deep down. I'm like, I'm, like really insecure. And, you know, am I good enough. And, you know, I'm overweight right now, you know, so it kind of created this spiral of unhealthy habits at that chapter of my life, I ended up being a very strict vegan, and I ended up getting down to, like, you know, an unhealthy weight for me, like, like, it wasn't a strict like, that's why I put in my goals right now strong. To 10 is my goal. Because I was like, 181 88, like, it was just like, really skinny. Like my goal was to be skinny not be like healthy. Because of my identity of, of just being overweight as a kid and stuff. But I'm digressing a little bit. But the point is, is the reason why people feel like they're being an impostor is because they're not necessarily applying and doing the hard work. They're not making the tough decisions. They're settling for comfort, a little bit too much. And then we have those little voices I call that voice wimpy, wimpy is the one that tries to protect me. And anytime when he shows up and tries to protect me the truth, meaning this age comes in and reminds when be the safe, thank you for trying to protect me, but I don't need to be protected right now. In fact, the truth is, I'm capable, and I'm gonna give it my best.

Andrew Biggs 19:04
Yeah, absolutely. And I think we can all relate to having that voice in our head, right? That says, Who am I to go out there and do anything? And, you know, it's, it's, in some ways, it makes sense that we're a little bit insecure, right? We know that, you know, we're all human beings, we all have our flaws. But it's like, where are you choosing to focus? You know, one of the thing that I really drew a lot of confidence from, as I was getting into, you know, coaching and leadership because it's a very, like, you know, it's a classic example of who am I to like, actually give advice, you know, for a living I we have a friend and in town and every time we come and hang out with them, he's always like, I'm amazed by your business, he's entrepreneur to and like really successful in the areas but he's like, you get paid to give advice for a living like, what the heck, like, you know, what, kind of what kind of businesses that are like, well, you know, people like it right and And apparently, I'm at least halfway decent at it. And I think one of the one of the things that I true confidence was that people kept telling me, hey, like, people saw in me that I was valuable, maybe even before I fully believed it, right? They were like, you're awesome, you're doing great. Like, oh, my gosh, you've changed my life. And I'm like, really? You know, did I really change your life? Or, you know, and so it's just drawn confidence from what others see in you, even if you can't see yourself yet, to the point where now, I think that I've probably properly calibrated that. But what others see in you, you know, can you draw evidence and in support from others in your life telling you, you're great. And also, it's a challenge sometimes for us to fully receive, you know, I was always guilty. You know, like, I play the piano, and especially growing up, I was always, like, people would be like, Wow, that was really good. And I'm over here thinking, Well, you know, in the 14th measure, I missed, you know, the F sharp or whatever. And I'm like, well, it's okay, you know, and not really fully receiving their gratitude and their appreciation. And so I've had to work on that to say, okay, you know, let me follow, receive, thank you. Alright, so I don't care what it is for you. But when someone gives you a compliment when someone's recognizing something, and you see what you can do to fully receive that message, you know, even if it's like, hey, I really liked your shirt today. Instead of being like, Oh, this little thing be like, Oh, thank you. I really appreciate that. So what comes up for you, Mike, as we as we refund this? Well,

Mike Abramowitz 21:34
yeah, one of my one of my good friends now and mentors, JV crumb. Third, he's a great podcast Conscious Millionaire. And he told me that you're you have a beautiful heart and you love to give. He said, but what's your relationship with receiving to, to your point? And I said, No, you know, receiving is not I'm not really good at that part, you know, I really just like to give. And he said, there's, there's a story that you're telling yourself around receiving. And that story is also around giving, because he said, If you ever, if you have trouble receiving, like whether it be receiving a gift or receiving a compliment, that means when you're giving, there's something in your unconscious, that is telling you that you're better than the other person that you're giving to. Because that means if they're not able to receive or if they if they are receiving something that you're giving to them, then there's I'm trying to remember the way he put it, but essentially, it's not like he's as eloquent. He said, a way eloquent, more eloquent, that I'm saying, but that, that as I'm giving, and if they're not welcome to receiving what I'm giving them, I'm going to be hurt by it. It's like, no, no, I want you to have this. So in order for me to not be hurt by giving, I need to strengthen my relationship with perceiving first, where it's not like it this, like I'm above you. And that's why I want to get I want to give you this sandwich, because I'm able to give you that sandwich. And if they ever reject the sandwich, then I'm like, why would you not want this and it's like judgment, there's almost like this, this frame of judgment that's taking place under the umbrella of giving that I wasn't even aware of. And when he brought it out, and we had this conversation and discussion around, I said, wow, like, Okay, I need to go practice receiving. And at that point, I think I reached out to like, a bunch of people. And I said, What do you like most about me, and like I said, Alright, I'm a words of affirmations, guys, because I was, but I needed to practice receiving these words, receiving these words coming into me and receiving this acknowledgment is to fully receive fully feel. And it was a practice, because I didn't even know this wasn't this wasn't a thing. So I'm glad you brought that up, though. I'm glad you brought up the the gift of receiving not only that, just the gift of giving.

Andrew Biggs 23:52
Yeah, and I think, you know, one of the other reasons to fully receive is that when we're open to receiving, now we have more energy. Now we have more resources to give, right? So it's like, you know, if, you know, the way we like to look at this, you know, we've been talking this week about the idea of conscious capitalism, and, you know, we are a for profit organization, right. And also, you know, we have, we have a mission. And it's like, as better than rich grows, right? We're receiving that that wealth, but also we're then repurposing and putting it into spreading the message to more people making our products and services even even stronger. And so it's like, as we receive, we have that much more to give back. Right. And that can be monetarily, of course, in this example, but it could also be energetically where it's like, if you take the time to receive a compliment or receive some feedback and receive, you know, somebody's pointing out your strengths. I can energetically fire you up, such that you have more energy to give to others. So this is a this is really good, I think Did you know One of the things you may consider, if you're struggling with building self confidence right now is just think about past wins, you know, maybe you're not in a place right now, where you feel like you're at your best, maybe you're not in a place right now, where you feel you've had a lot of wins lately. But that doesn't mean you've never had wins. And I remember going through a specific kind of tunnel period in my life. You know, I feel like a lot of people kind of hit this achievement, you know, orientation, and they're crushing it. And then they start to ask deeper questions and achievement, like the allure of achievement fades. And so I remember going through that, like asking deeper questions, but then maybe losing a little bit of my edge competitively, or in an achievement orientation, I wasn't as oriented. And I just didn't, quite frankly, I just didn't care about achievement. And I don't necessarily think that's healthy. Because what we ultimately want or you know, if you if you're, if you're wondering where we want to be, it's aligned achievement, what is, you know, achieving, for our purpose, really look like? is a question that I'll pose to you, as you're, you know, at the gym or in your car right now. But I wonder, at that point, I really had to draw upon my past successes, and someone asked me like, What was a peak? When were you at your best, right? In the past? How were you showing up when you were at your best? What are some characteristics about your character and your attitude and your energy and what sort of habits as you have on a daily basis, and if you can think back to pass wins, whether it was, you know, acing your AC T, or it was, you know, being in a high school swim team, or it was running track, or it was, you know, a really pivotal period in your business? Where you had success? Just like thinking about those past times? How are you showing up at those times? It's gonna obviously build you confidence, where it's like, oh, wow, like, you know, I actually am a badass. I was talking to someone the other day, I'm like, didn't you? Weren't you like a college soccer player? And they're like, Yeah, but like, that was a long time ago. I'm like, No, once you're a winner, you're always a winner. Like, tell me about the time when you played college soccer, like how, like, how were you showing up, and were able to draw upon that. So any other thoughts on you know, this idea of like drawing upon past successes and wins?

Mike Abramowitz 27:25
Think it also comes down to what you were doing during those wins when no one else was around? Like, what were you doing? To Fail forward, because ultimately, as that soccer player example, when no one was around, there, were probably sweating and going to the gym and working hard, and they were probably failing at something like failing out the trick or failing. You know, at some point in time, it's like, but they were failing forward. It was like learning opportunities for them. So I would consider you know, whatever it is that you got good at, or anything you want that in some part of your life or some facet of your life, even if it's a video game, it's like, you know, you failed a failed, passing level one at some point in time, and then you eventually figured out how to beat the bad guy. And then you went on to level two. And it's, it's funny, you ever hear Tony Robbins tell the story about playing, playing a video game against a kid? And it's like, you know, the kid goes, and it's like, I, I experienced this personally, but you want to play video game with me? It's like, Yeah, I'll play video game. And he was like, Cool, okay, the little kid says, You go first. You go first. And then it's like, Alright, I got this. And like, you know, playing boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, and I you know, last like, five, five minutes or you know, not even maybe maybe more like 90 seconds. And then I get killed by the bad guy. And then the little kids like, Alright, my turn. And a little kid goes like two hours later, boom, advances to like level 42. And you're like, hooked up? How to how? And so give me that remote. All right, let me show you what's up. And then you Lastly, you know, another 90 seconds, and then they go and they last another 45 minutes? It's like, are they better? Are they smarter? Are they more intelligent? No, it's just that they played the game so many damn times, they failed the way you failed so many times before, except they failed forward, meaning they learned what to do and what not to do next time. And by doing it, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, that's how they're able to beat the game. And that's really what a lot of success is, is just repetition willing to fail fo are willing to learn, willing to make mistakes, willing to mess up and getting back up and getting it back up and trying again and again. And again. I think that's where a lot of your authentic truth is going to show up. That's a lot where a lot of that self confidence is going to come from is through this. This persistence through this determination through this grit. And sometimes people forget how important that is.

Andrew Biggs 29:58
Absolutely. And it's just like Another definition for winning, I heard this the other day, I think it was Jordan Peterson. But another definition of winning is, you know, people who just never quit, right? And so if we can, if we can just never quit and just get a little better day by day, obviously, you're going to build self confidence because you're, you're gaining skills. It's the people who, you know, take the easy way out who settle, and it's like, I never want to settle in my life, any area where you're settling is an area where you've, you've given up, right, whether that's your relationship, your health, your business, no matter what, if you're settling in life, you're gonna feel like you're, you know, you basically started your decline. I don't care how old you are, but you're dying, right? At this point. So I never want to settle. And I never want to, you know, hold back on that area. But it's like, okay, if I just keep getting better and keep working at it, I'm going to succeed. So great, great reminder. And so just want to double click on the whole idea of like, what do you do when nobody's watching? Right? Because, you know, we, that's one of the toughest pills to swallow as a leader, is just the recognition that what you do when nobody's watching matters? It sucks. Like, I wish it wasn't that way. Right? I wish that it was easier, you know, for everyone here watching, but it's like, the reality is what you do, and no one's watching matters. And so it's like, every moment, every decision point is a decision that's either moving you closer towards the person you want to become or further away, it's getting you closer to the vision that you want to create, or it's getting you further away. And, you know, again, like Mike said earlier, only you are going to know, if you were lying to yourself in that moment, where if you really weren't giving your best, but so often, you know, we're like, no one's watching, you know, use the phrase earlier cutting corners. And it's like, every time you cut a corner you now right, you know, you're cutting corners, you know, if you're running laps, and you cut a corner, you know, if you set out to go run five miles, and you ran four and a half, you know, when you were supposed to do 12 reps, and you did 10 You know, right? And we do that in business, too. It's like, oh, I said I was gonna make 100 phone calls. And they made 77. Right? I said I was gonna reach out to you know, this many people and I did half of it or whatever. We do this all the time, if we're not careful, because that's how our minds are wired. But the what the winner does is they say, I'm not cutting corners, and then that confidence grows and grows and grows and grows. And then when they're in front of a prospect who's like, why should I work with you? Like the confidence is beaming, it's through the roof, right? I've witnessed that with you, even in just the last three to six months, where it's just like, when someone's on the fence. You're like, you, you better sign up. Here's why. Right? And it's it's brimming with self confidence. And it's so obvious to anyone watching that you're showing up even when no one's watching. So commence commend commending you for that. But I think the larger lesson

Mike Abramowitz 33:09
it's funny you say that because it's just a small example. But it just happened at the gym. When was this yesterday? Yeah, Wednesday morning. I did not want to go to the gym. And it was it was going to be a setback. We had an appointment, a doctor's appointment early with James at 9am. And I was like, alright, but I gotta I gotta get to the gym beforehand. So So I went to the gym and I did you know the routine that's in my that my trait kohner by trainer coach put into the app. And he added an extra set, usually three sets, but he put four sets of full plank holds for 60 seconds, or they'll fail or whatever I could do. Well, I finished the third set, and I was like, shit, he put a fourth set in there. Now, two things happen. Number one, in the middle of the third set, I got the rumbles in my tummy. And I was like, I have got to go to the bathroom. So I was like, Alright, I have all my stuff. And

Andrew Biggs 34:09
I love getting it from all angles, right? I didn't want to be there. I got to run to the bathroom and my trainers picking on me today. So

Mike Abramowitz 34:17
I left the mats, I went to the bathroom handle my business. And as I was walking into the bathroom, I was like, Alright, I'm just I already negotiate with my mind is like, I'm just gonna go home. In fact, I already logged out of the app. I was like, I'm already done. Like, it was good enough. And it was like the universe sent me a sign. I don't know if I don't know if like God or universe ever send you a sign. We're like shit. All right, I really need to follow through now. I've been going to the gym for a while and the person who's in you know, monitors as Jimmy said, Hey, can you hear me getting my earbuds in? And he's like, Hey, anytime you use equipment, make sure you put it back you left your mats out. And my ego didn't like that very much because I'm like, I always put my shit away. But I really had to go handle business and I have ran out of there real quick. So my ego then said, Oh, I'm not done, I had to go do one more set, but I had to take a dump. And that's why I'm here in the bathroom, I gotta go finish my last set. And so my ego to get my ego got insulted in that moment. But it was like, it forced me to have a conversation with me and that guy to go finish that last final fourth set of that playing hold that I didn't want to do in the first place. And it's that perfect example of what are you doing when no one's watching? Because ultimately, someone is always watching, even if it is the random due to the gym, who picked up my mats after me that said something to me, somebody is always watching whether it's a kid, whether it's a sibling, whether it's a running mate, whether it's a cousin, whether it's a parent, there's always someone watching, so even if it's something you're doing by yourself when you think no one's watching someone is someone is experiencing the decision making that you're making, or not making in those moments. And it's just it's it was a very unique reminder for me, because I tried to cut that corner. And I still couldn't cut the corner, even when I tried to life

Andrew Biggs 36:08
would not let you cut the cord. I love it man. And, and talk about building a moment to build self confidence. So very, very apropos story, man, well, hey, anything else you want to say to our audience here before we leave for the week, by the way, we are sending out emails to remind you guys about our podcasts as they release. So make sure you check those as well, you know, maybe periodically send you promotions and different things. So we got going on with our July event as we get that organized and different things. But Mike, anything you want to say before we depart for that,

Mike Abramowitz 36:39
I want to double click on what you said about growth, growth is a choice. So we have the dignity of choice, Jim Rohn says that we have the choice to grow. So if you look at a tree outside a tree does not choose to grow the tree grows as tall as it can. It grows as many fruits as it categorizes as many leaves as again, it doesn't have a choice to grow. But humans we are blessed or cursed with the dignity of choice. So you can choose to grow or you can choose not to. And ultimately, whatever path you choose, the small tiny decisions are going to create incremental changes. And if you can think about the compound effect of the small decisions that you make of growth, or the small decisions you make of not growth or comfort, they're going to create a different trajectory. So it's I think it's the incremental one to one degree difference that James clear talks about in atomic habits and creating these identity based habits as you're going through your day. Just choose the small little wins hence the tiny actions daily hashtag tad you know, win the day when the moment and choose growth if you just keep that in the back of your mind, choose growth leave today better than I found it. You know, let me live with purpose. I mean, that's, that shows up all the time. And I just wanted to make sure that all of you are aware that it is a choice and you can choose your response. So be be responsible, able to respond, choose growth today.

Andrew Biggs 38:03
Fantastic. I couldn't have said it better. I will leave you all with that leave today better than you found it until next week on the better the red show. Have a great week ahead. We'll talk to you later.

Mike Abramowitz 38:12
Bye. Thanks for listening. If you enjoyed this episode and you'd like to help support the show, please share it with others post about it on social media or leave a rating and review. To catch all the latest from us. You can follow us on Instagram at better than underscore rich and join our Facebook group at the better than rich show. Thanks again for listening. We look forward to seeing you next time and remember, leave today better than you found it